(The Angel Wore Fangs Deadly Angels #7) [Free] Ä Sandra Hill

This book has the special designation of being The Worst Book I ve ever read I will treasure it for many many years I m not exactly a genre romance reader Generally they make me want to repeatedly bang my skull into a hard object Nor blessedly would I describe myself as the sort of girl who reads books about vampire angel Vikings as a rule HOWEVER I was shall we say inspired by this tweet Hunted this baby down because don t you fucking tell me you weren t intrigued the way you re intrigued by the way you can see your bone when you break your arm real bad by a book about a tubby time traveling motorcycle riding Barefoot Contessa watching vampire angel Viking named Cnutwho along with a spunky American chef named Andrea a cleverly disguised variation on the author Sandra s name has to save the world from ISIS on a Montana dude ranch Sandra here doesn t dick around Bring it the fuck on Let s unpack what we have inside this ittle shop of horrors 1 The name Cnut Don t tell me that s not a typo 2 Sandra God bless you for inserting random Icelandic words into the text I need to get drukkinn tonight to purge my mind of your nonsense 3 Bless you twice for adding strange British isms bloody hell when none of the characters are British nor do they ever travel to or even mention Great Britain and Sandra herself is from Pennsylvania 4 St Michael the Archangel essentially plays Ghosts of Christmas PastPresentFuture to Cnut s Scrooge And he has a website And inexplicably speaks in Shakespearean English 5 What is a vangel A vangel is a Viking vampire angel who will fight the forces of Satan s Lucipires demon vampires who roam the world spreading evil Duh Cnut You re so dense 6 A rab Over and over and over and 7 Andrea s sister Celie joins ISIS and sends the fam a video of her terroristing activities Andrea and her stepmom just chat about this on the phone ike it s totally normal and on par with sister s previous stints with tattoos and body piercings 8 Curves out the wazoo 9 Celie drew men ike flies or bees or whatever Yeah or whatever Fuck words Writing words is hard when you re a professional writer 10 Pete the Pervert He had the weirdest fetish involving never mind Ohmigod Sandra you can t just do that What did it involve Small children Fire ants Pissing on hotel beds in Russia formerly occupied by the president and the first ady What 11 Can anyone say zip ine through the rainforest Can anyone say Orville Redenbacher Can anyone say mothers don t et your daughters grow up to ove cowboys Can anyone say Honey I have a headache I can say all those things Sandra Can t you Peppermint stick got your tongue More on this ater12 Home sweet home or rather home sweet castle Aha Ahaha AHAHA GOOD ONE OMG THAT IS H I L A R I O U S GIRL YOU ARE SO FUNNY 13 Lizzie Borden works as a waitress at a vampire themepark in Pennsylvania Yes that Lizzie Borden14 Like a cock his fangs sometimes had a mind of their own Popping out with the Baghdad: City of Peace, City of Blood least provocation 15 Andrea isms Holy freakin sex on a stick Son of a biscotti Holy cannoli 16 The fact that when Andrea first meets Cnut in modern day Pennsylvania the first thing she says to him is Are you a Viking Yes I ask this uestion of all tall blond dudes I meet It s very normal 17 Daddy I need some money Can you send me fifty thousand dollars It s for a good cause Honestly DIRECT UOTE 18 I can t stop thinking about ducksately I ve been absorbed with ducks in general Wait is that it Is Pete the Perv into ducks too 19 Suffice it to say if you get an email from Luciferhadescom you better answer I honestly think you re probably better off not answering any and all emails from that handle 20 the former nazi general that handle 20 The former Nazi general a direct Imagine That! line to Satan s ear He was constantly name dropping as in Luce told me or When I was sharing a fireball with Luce or While jogging with Luceast night Luce was his nickname for Lucifer Oh no way 21 The Nazi asshole was so full of it Everyone knew demons did not jog Tails and all that Man those Nazi assholes Don t they know ANYTHING22 In addition to running a Montana dude ranch ISIS also operates a flamenco dance club in Spain They re Renaissance terrorists I guess 23 ISIS dude ranch activities Riding essons Koran study Fly fishing Holy yoga yoga is Buddhism not Islam but aight Sandra U do u Meditating with Allah Roping Understanding jihads Line dancing Internet recruitment Campfire sing alongs Capitalist devils I m not sure how this one is an activity but that s my main girl Sandra for you I cannot make this shit up This is why this book got five stars from the bottom of my heart She doesn t half ass anything 24 Nice picture that Cnut thought Not the maneuver but the pig sex Ah my mistake Fetish of the day is pigs not ducks25 I want so badly to explain to Sandra why if you were brought back to 850 AD your cell phone would not work and you would not be receiving emails from Vikarhotvangelscom on it But part of me wants deep in my heart to preserve her blissful ignorance 26 HAHAHA I was right about the Pete the Pervgolden showers guess Don t kink shame Sandra That s not very nice 27 Who says food can t be sexy she winked knelt between t be sexy She winked knelt between egs and showed him what she could do with a peppermint stick WINK WINK NUDGE NUDGE DID YOU SEE WHAT SHE DID THERE BECAUSE I THINK SHE GAVE HIM A BLOW JOB Sigh Oh Sandra Sandra Sandra Sandra 28 Condoms 1699 Pulling out 000 Andrea giving sex ed to a bunch of 9th century Viking women Priceless 29 Cock a doodle do OKAY I m taking a page out of Cnut s book Next New York Times bestselling author Sandra Hill continues her sexy Deadly Angels series as a Viking vangel’s otherworldly mission pairs him with a beautiful chef who whets his thousand year old appetite Once guilty of the deadly sin of gluttony thousand year old Viking vampire angel Cnut Sigurdsson is now a ean mean vampire devil figh. ,
The Angel Wore Fangs Deadly Angels #7Would King Alfred's Version of St. Augustine's Soliloquies like Cnut in the beginning since he weighed in at a hefty 400 pounds andet his people starve while he glutted Rescuing Gus lol And after he dost all the weight only to end up falling in Class of 92: Out of Our League love with a pastry chef Worst combination ever But Ioved Andrea and Cnut together Andrea was a tough cookie to crack she had some hang ups about herself and I did get annoyed at her constantly comparing herself to everyone else And what was with her constantly swatting Cnut My goodness Portrait of a Starter: An Unhidden Story lol He grinned at her not taking her seriously at all Or so she thought Until he extended his own forearm to show her the dark blond hairs raisedike a field of erotic antennaeCoconut tingles he explained Since I m a newbie to this series I was kinda thrown by how the author made these Angelica vampires devout Christians I just wasn t expecting it but it gelled so well with the storyline that I forgot about how highly irregular everything in this story is I How the West Was Lost: Fifty Years of Economic Folly--and the Stark Choices Ahead ll definitely be reading of Hill s work especially Zeb the Hebrew s story ARC kindly provided by publisher in return for an honest review 4 not hungry for food STARSFinally theast Sigurdsson that never caught my attention Cnut is born with GLUTTON and he was an overweight man before Michael the Archangel came He condemned him to redeem his sin to become Vangels to fight against Lucipires I couldn t forget how entertaining Cnut s journey He s so much better than Harek and Sigurd s story Pft Are you hungry she asked I am always hungry he repliedIs there a double entendre there Is he implying that no this guy is just too sizzling hot His Abandoned about 40% in I expected dumb I did not expect boring I was promised time travelling biker vampire angel vikings I got a crappy Jennifer Aniston romcom Well here we are all of the 7 Deadly Sins and 7 brothers taken care of so is this the end of the series of course not there are some serious threads hanging that reuire 1 book at a minimum and no I won t tell you since that will be a spoiler which means some doofus will spoil itWhile I really have enjoyed this series including this book I was put off a bit by Cnut being portrayed as a pretty smart guy in the other books and seemed ike she made him a bit stupid in this book about him He and Andrea made a great couple plus the ocations and the plot was much different than the other books All these things work together to make this a very entertaining novel for this seriesBottom Line The romance was kind of weak but enjoyable the plot changed after the first couple of chapters and took off on a different ine than the other books to be honest the bad guys played a much smaller part than other books So 4 Stars and can t wait to get the next one not a cliffhanger but very close in some ways and hats off to Sandra Hill for being able to take such a ridiculous premise as Viking Vampire Angels and make them addicting and entertaining reading I blame myself honestlyIt s always a bad idea to start with book seven in a series By the time most writers get to the end of a series they re tired They want to move on However if you tell me you ve written a book about a Viking vampire angel who s supposedly fighting ISIS well #I have to know I am the author of all my own misfortunes hereMy grievances1 Supposedly ISIS gained a foothold # have to know I am the author of all my own misfortunes hereMy grievances1 Supposedly ISIS gained a foothold a Montana dude ranch because political correctness If your ibrary is in a conservative community this may very well be found amusing2 One of the demons is named Zebulon th Grandma s wet dream No surprises Grandma being American they do get married The good news is I believe I am now ready for Space Raptor Butt Invasion What can you ask for when you get a story of Viking Vampires How about time traveling Viking Vampires Vangel that must infiltrate an ISIS compound because Demon Vampires have taken control of the group in order to harvest souls for evilCnut was found guilty of excessive gluttony given a choice of redemption Cnut must serve as a Vangel under the faithful watch of arch angel Michael Now a new improved Viking vampire Cnut is called out by Michael to bring down ISIS An impossible job for one person how is he to single handedly find a way to do this Soon after Andrea walks into is detective agency handing him an in to ISIS on a platterher sister has been taken by ISIS and she needs help finding herA freak mishap during an emergency transportation and both Cnut and Andrea find themselves back in Norseland where Cnut was the gluttonous warlord that made him into the man he is today Cnut fights his attraction to Andrea she will cause him to face years of service to the Vangels even though Cnut is sure she is his other half The double agent vampire demon must choose between eternal hell or turn over Cnut for torture in his stead Will it strand Andrea in the past without saving her sister Will Cnut survive even a day in that kind of torment or Moonrise loss his soul Hill s humor and wit shine through in The Angel Wore Fangs I don t know of many authors that can pull of humor when writing about ISIS the seven deadly sins and vampire demons but somehow she pulls it offIf youike ight and fun with your paranormal romance then the The Angel Wore Fangs is a must readI received this ARC copy paranormal romance then the The Angel Wore Fangs is a must readI received this ARC copy The Angel Wore Fangs from Avon in exchange for a honest review This book is set for publication May 21 2016My Rating 4 StarsWritten by Sandra HillSeries Deadly AngelsMass Market Paperback 384 pagesPublisher Avon Publication Date May 31 2016ISBN 10 0062356542ISBN 13 978 0062356543Genre Romantic Fantasy Barnes Nobl. M surprising Cnut with her bravery at every turn But with terrorists stalking the ranch in demonoid form Cnut tele transports Andrea and himself out of danger accidentally into the 10th Century Norselands Suddenly they have to find their way back to the future to save her family and the world and to satisfy their insatiable attraction.

Read The Angel Wore Fangs Deadly Angels #7

Ime I want to have sex I m going to solicit it by saying this to my partner 30 Still she found herself praying Are you there God It s me Andrea That sounds SO FAMILIAR I wonder where I ve Hmm31 The next book in the series is called Good Vampires Go to Heaven YES IT FUCKING IS Never ever change Sandra You re welcome everybody for reading that so you wouldn t have to And now I need 75 drinks Sk The Angel Wore Fangs rounds out the seven deadly sins one suffered by each of the seven Sigurdsson brothers that warranted their 700 year sentence to become vangels vampire angels in the war of good and evil While I have not read all of the earlier books in the series I followed along uite well and didn t feel ike I was missing any world building or too much back storyWe start off the story in the 9th Century Norselands when Cnut Sigurdsson is a huge jarl huge as in enormously fat Over 400lbs His deadly sin you guessed it is gluttony I have to admit that I was a Alien Alpha little nervous to discover that our hero was a 400b glutton with a beard full of ice Luckily for us St Michael the Archangel sweeps in binding the jarl into an afterlife of servitude that forces him to change his ways Present day over a thousand years ater Cnut is a ean mean 225lbs at his towering 6 4 height driving a Harley and sporting a Ragnar Lothbrok braided viking mohawk But even though our hero is now sex on a stick he still has body image issues due to what he calls phantom fat He also struggles daily with his gluttony and has to be a concerted effort to not over indulge in his various appetites Cnut was a fun hero I iked that he wasn t perfect and that he could take a joke This series deals with the fated mates trope and it would figure that our vikings mates would also challenge their proscribed sin So of course Cnut s ifemate shows up in the form of a ithe pastry chef that smells of vanilla coconut my favorite scent from Bath Body Works by the way The heroine Andrea Stewart has some body image issues herself though we don t get a clear understanding of where they came from But et me tell ya this book made me hungry I think I may have gained 10lbs just reading about some of her concoctions and pastry delights Andrea was a ikable heroine as well She rolled with the punches and accepted the demon hunting time travel aspect of the story without too much fuss and fanfare She also worked hard to help and improve the Beautiful Ghosts life of the people in the 9th CenturyFor me the romance of the story played second fiddle to the comedy and time travel I mean this story is not at all serious It s full of fun hokey oneiners slapstick comedy and crude sex jokes And sometimes the jokes were so bad that you couldn t help but chuckle I particularly Alexandra, Gone liked theimericks offered by the skalds and when the men s conversation devolved to sex talk while they were hunting The demon hunting plot varied in this story We start out with a plan to root out and defeat ISIS which had me a tad worried as to how that would play out in a comedy But that storyline became somewhat obsolete when Cnut and Andrea accidentally travel back in time to his 9th Century home I did prefer the time travel to the terrorist eradication as it fit in better with the A Year in 120 Recipes lighthearted feel of the story It s been a while since I ve read a viking story and this one was fun and entertainingI receive an advanced copy of this book from Avon via Edelweiss in exchange for an honest review 35 stars 3 flames Full review posted at Bambi Unbridled 4 Coconut and Peppermint Stars The room smelled of sweet coconutAnd he was hit with yet another temptation powerful than that of food or drink Blood drained from his head and heat sizzled across his skin from his scalp to the tips of his fingers and the ends of his curled toes Between hisegs his balls shifted and his staff seemed to yawn and stretch and come to F. Scott Fitzgerald life If cocks could smile his was doing a happy dance of anticipation This was possibly one of the funniest books I ve read this year A book about a Viking guilty of glutton turned Angelic vampire sent on a uest to defeat Isis This was bound to either have me scratching my head in confusion orike my actual reaction have me in fits of aughter me scratching my head in confusion or ike my actual reaction have me in fits of aughter book was surprisingly ight and fluffy in a good way and while I thought the whole Isis thing didn t really fit in #I Did Really Enjoy ItCnut #did really enjoy itCnut name had me constantly calling him a really bad word is one of seven brothers who are also angelic vampires created to fight evil and they re ead by Michael the Arch angel Each brother is guilty of the one the seven sins Cnuts being glutton their penance is a 700 year stint in God s armyWhen Andrea s the romantic interest or ifemate sister goes missing and the private investigator her parents who promptly go on a boat cruise hired informs them that her sister Celie has joined Isis Andrea seeks out Cnut help to find her sister Now again I really kinda felt ike the Isis thing put a real damper on the story which is why I wasn t so sure if I was going to enjoy it in the beginning But uckily that all changedI haven t read the previous books in this series but trust me I totally kept up with everything and didn t feel Buddhism: Introducing the Buddhist Experience like I wasosing out but I will definitely be reading the other books in the series While searching for Andrea s sister they find themselves back in Cnuts old home Time travel anyone I really enjoyed this part of the story I oved how Cnut would call Andrea sweetling heartling or dearling It was so darn cuteI wasn t even sure Ting machine His new side job No biggie just ridding the world of a threat called ISIS while keeping the evil Lucipires demon vampires at bay So when chef Andrea Stewart hires him to rescue her sister from a cult recruiting terrorists at a Montana dude ranch vangel turns cowboy Yeehaw The too tempting mortal insists on accompanying hi.